Kaoru's Insanity
by SUGARCOMACUPCAKE
Summary: Kaoru is a victim of bullying. Even he wonders how two people can drive him so far, so deep into his thoughts. Perhaps even to the point of insanity.
1. Chapter 1

I'm running for dear life through the Ouran schoolyard at ten o'clock at night. I'm being chased, and I need help. However, I know help isn't coming. It never has, it never will. Why did I have to fall asleep in the library? I could've avoided this entire mess. I guess it isn't surprising though. Weeks of nearly sleepless nights take a toll on you after a while. I look around as I continue to sprint. The night sky makes everything around me dark blue. I can scarcely make out fountains, rose bushes and cherry blossom trees glowing in the moonlight. The sight would most likely be peaceful for most, but it's pretty hard to be tranquil when you hear footsteps behind you, especially when they're pursuing you. They're as anxious to get their hands on you as you are to get away. The night air is freezing. Even in the hours of shadows, I can see my breath. Why do I even try? They have more stamina than me, and I'd rather have the crap beaten out of me while I actually have some energy. I stop, allowing them to catch up to me. I close my eyes and sigh, savoring the moment of serenity. I see their angular faces after a few moments. I bite my lip and run my fingers through my orange hair.

_Bear it, Kaoru. Just think about-_

My thoughts are interrupted by one of them grabbing my shirt collar from behind, taking me by surprise. I gasp at the blow. It terrified me. I turn my head to see a girl with long, curly black hair, glasses and unforgiving green eyes, Aki. I turn my head back, finding myself face to face with Keith's shaggy brown hair and amber eyes. Oh, crap. Aki tightens the grip on my collar, crushing any previous possible chances of escape.

"Hey there, wuss."

Keith barks, getting some of his spit on my face. His grin is disturbing, shining in the small amount of light. I flinch slightly; Aki grabs a fist full of my hair and tugs hard. Keith doesn't hesitate to punch me square in the face with all of his strength. I cry out in pain. Tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of these two jerks. I feel a small amount of blood drip from my nose. Luckily, after that, they leave. Their hideous laughter litters the beautiful silence. I frantically search my bag for a tissue. I find none, so I wipe my nose with my arm and hope it stops bleeding.

I grab my phone out of my bag and walk towards the gate. I have fifty-seven missed calls from Hikaru. I keep myself from chuckling, yet I feel like I've died inside.

_Hikaru._

What if Hikaru had been there? What if it had been Hikaru instead of me? The idea makes me nauseous. Aki and Keith… why do they do this to me? Why don't they ever attack Hikaru? I by no means wish it was that way. I just wonder. Does that mean they can tell Hikaru and me apart? I dial Hikaru's number, and it's no surprise that he answers before I hear the first ring.

"Kaoru! Where are you? Why weren't you answering your phone?"

He's yelling into the phone, expectedly. I've learned by now to hold the phone away from my ear during one of these situations.

"Sorry, Hikaru. I fell asleep in the library."

I do feel bad for making him worry. I'd be really concerned if Hikaru was gone at night and wasn't answering his phone. But that's mostly because he's an idiot from time to time.

"Where are you? I'll send a car to get you."

Hikaru sounds much calmer. I'm glad.

"No, that's ok. I can just walk."

"Kaoru! It's like ten thirty at night! There's probably crooks and stuff!"

"I can deal with Tamaki. I think I'll be ok."

I laugh, but Hikaru responds almost immediately.

"I'm serious! If anything were to happen to you, I swear-"

"I'll be fine. I promise."

"You can't promise that!"

"Why not?"

"Because assassins don't really tend to change their plans for promises."

I chuckle.

"I'm walking. I'll see you in about twenty minutes. I love you."

I can hear my brother groan.

"And you call me stubborn… I love you too."

I hang up and continue my journey home. I don't like to make Hikaru fret, but I just love walking alone at night. I can have time to think, let my mind wander. I gently touch my fingertips to where Keith had punched me. I wince. It hurts. A lot. If it bruises, I don't know what I'm going to do. I could try covering it with make-up. I don't necessarily want Hikaru to know about Keith and Aki. Knowing him, he'd interfere out of anger and end up hurting himself. I love him too much for that. I'm not even quite sure when Keith and Aki started this whole nonsense. I'm not fond of thinking about it, but for all I remember or care it just started happening. One day I went back into the classroom without Hikaru to retrieve my lost notebook. The pair was there and they just decided to give me a hard time. Now that I recall it, it's just a representation of how much I need Hikaru. Without him, I'm weak. That means I'm weak. I know Hikaru loves me, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I wonder if I'm just in the way. He's so amazing at so many things, but there are several times where I've held him back. I wish I could let him spread his wings, but I just can't. I've had so many thoughts like this lately, and up until now I've just blamed puberty. Now I'm more convinced that it's Keith and Aki to blame. Or perhaps I'm the only one to blame. I let them hit me, where as Hikaru would be strong enough to fight back. I just don't really care. Sometimes I even enjoy the pain, simply because I deserve it that day. Sometimes I like to think of it as a disciplinary system, though deep down that's an enormous lie. I feel as if I've built up a sort of resistance to pain. I'd like to say that makes me tough, but in the end I'm just dishonest with myself. Everyone feels pain, that's a simple fact. Or is it… Well, I do understand that pain is the one thing that keeps anyone from doing anything.

I'm finally home. I go inside and drag myself upstairs. I walk into Hikaru and I's room, turning my face to the side so he won't notice the possible blood on my face. I still don't know what I look like after the skirmish.

"Kaoru! Thank goodness you're safe!"

I give him a goofy side smile and make my way into the bathroom. I gaze at my reflection in the mirror. I don't look too bad. I just have some dried blood around my upper lip beneath my nose. My hair's a bit tousled as well. I wipe the blood off with a warm washcloth and quickly run a comb through my hair. I step back out.

"Not answering me, eh?"

Before I can reply, Hikaru has me in a big bear hug.

"Hikaruuuuu, I can't breatheeeee."

I whimper, holding back a giggle.

"Liar. If you couldn't breathe you couldn't talk."

After a debate over whether or not that was true, I put my pajamas on and get into bed. Hikaru takes his place next to me and turns off all the lights except for a lamp. Only Hikaru knows I'm afraid of the dark. I pull the blanket over me and snuggle into the sheets.

"Kaoru?"

I turn over so that I'm facing my twin.

"Yeah?"

"Can you get me a glass of water?"

I grunt into my pillow.

"Why can't you get off your lazy butt and do it yourself?"

I half tease. Hikaru looks at me and gives me a pouty face.

"Fine."

I grumble and crawl out of my (very comfortable) position. I go into the bathroom, wondering why we made the maids' curfew so early. I get the glass of water and force my tired legs to take me back to our room. I hold the glass out to him.

"I suppose you'd like me to feed it to you too?"

I expect a stupid answer, but my arm is violently grabbed. This causes me to drop the glass, spilling water all over the floor.

"Hikaru! Why-"

That's when I look down at my arm in his possession. There's dried blood.

_Crap! I forgot about the blood I wiped on my arm!_

Hikaru looks up at me with what seems to be a combination of anger and worry. I try to pull my arm away, but Hikaru has a really strong grip.

"Let go!"

I shout out of desperation. He can't know. Hikaru stands up, my arm still in his grasp.

"Why the heck is there blood on your arm?"

Hikaru's eyes are so serious. He looks ready to kill. The calm tone of his voice is surprisingly multiple times more terrifying than his shout. He stares deep into my eyes, and I swear I see pain. If Hikaru feels pain, I've failed. I decide to tell him a half truth.

"The cold weather caused me to get a nosebleed on my way home, and I didn't have any tissues."

Hikaru looks as if he's considering believing me.

"Ok… sorry for making you drop the water."

He looks at me sheepishly, then sternly.

"I told you that you should've gotten a car."

Finally, he's sorrowful.

"Sorry for not trusting you… You'd never lie to me."

Ouch. That hurt. I literally just felt physical pain. He smiles at me and I smile back the best I can. It's really difficult. I didn't want to lie, but I had to. Or else he'd know. He picks up the glass, wipes up the water, and tucks me in like I'm a five year old or something. I'd give him a weird look, but I'm too upset. In fact, upset is an understatement. I want to cry right here on the spot. He giggles in that childish way of his and once again lies next to me. I must admit, I'm exhausted. Hikaru wraps his arms around me and kisses my cheek. I cuddle into his embrace and everything feels better.

"Goodnight, Kaoru."

"Goodnight, Hikaru."


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up, petrified. I quickly turn and see Hikaru, fast asleep. My tenseness fades and is replaced with shaking. I carefully get out of bed, as to not wake my brother. I mutely rush to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face. I need to get back to my senses. I turn on the shower. I make sure it's cold. I don't want to be even remotely hot after such a nightmare. I shiver as the icy water runs down my body. It's torturous at first, but after a while it feels rather nice.

_You lied to Hikaru._

Oh no. Not him again.

_Look at you, trying to erase your wrongdoings with glacial water. It's pathetic. I can hardly stand to watch. If you actually want to be productive, try to fix them._

If he's watching me in the shower, that's pretty perverted. Besides, he should know better than anyone that something broken can't fix itself. I'm wrecked. My mind isn't a mind, my body isn't a body. My entirety is simply a reflection. People truly are selfish. The world's given me to Hikaru as an illusion. Hikaru isn't selfish. He cares about me, not himself. It's all deception. In truth, this theoretically makes Hikaru even more self-centered. I'm a part of him, his reflection. I'm all he cares about. However, don't all people care about their reflections a bit too much? How can you possibly know it's not lying to you? I've proven you can't know. When there's blood on your reflection and you don't know why, you panic a bit. When you are informed about why, depending on why, you react. Why do you bother reacting when it could lie so very effortlessly? By that point, you don't care. You simply wash the blood off. It's over, it doesn't matter. Reflections are just in the way. They-

"Kaoru?"

I shake myself out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Hurry up. We have somewhere to go!"

"Hikaru, it's Sunday."

"It's not school, dumbo."

"Dumbo's an elephant, right? Are you calling me fat?"

I grin a hold back a laugh.

"Yep. You're the exact same weight as me and you're fat. I wonder if weight watchers has couple discounts."

I turn off the water, step out and dry off. I put on my fluffy white robe that mother had made me and look into the mirror. I have a small bruise on the right of my nose.

"Crap…"

I mumble and pull out a small bag of makeup Hikaru and I keep under the sink. Yep, when you're in the host club you need a lot of makeup. I find the concealer I'd used that time before. The memory only reminds me more of what happened last night.

"What's taking you so long? You're taking more time that Tono does in the morning. That's saying something."

I roll my eyes. He's so impatient. I rub the concealer onto the bruise gently. I finally exit the bathroom and almost run into Hikaru.

"Don't stand right in front of the door!"

I groan, surprised.

"I can't help it. You were taking way too long."

"How is standing in front of the door going to make me get ready any faster?"

"Twin psychic powers."

I playfully push him aside and go to our closet. I grab the first outfit I see. It's convenient having a mother who's a fashion designer. No matter what you grab out of your closet, it looks at least decent. I throw it on.

"Let's go!"

Hikaru yells childishly and speed walks out our bedroom door. I follow.

"So where exactly are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

I know better than to argue with Hikaru, so I stay silent after that. Hikaru hops into one of our family's cars. I expect to see a chauffeur, but one never comes. I look back to the car to see Hikaru in the driver's seat.

"Hikaru, you can't drive. You don't have your license."

I say matter-of-factly.

"I've been practicing a bunch and you know that. We'll be fine."

"Fine, but I'm not bailing you out if you get caught."

"You won't?"

Hikaru widens his eyes and bats his eyelashes.

"Nope."

"Jerk."

We smile at each other as Hikaru starts the engine. I guess where we're going as we drive through town. Not that one restaurant. Not that one store. Not their house. After some time we've gone farther than I recognize. My eyes grow heavier by the second. If that last line wasn't enough to let you know, I fall asleep.

I'm awaked by Hikaru poking my face.

"Kao, we're here."

I blink a few times. How long had I been asleep? I sit up and look out the windshield. There's a barn. A freaking barn.

"You dragged me out here to see a barn? I don't know about you, but I don't think smelly animals that will someday become food sound entertaining."

I huff.

"I guess you don't want to see why we're here then."

"I don't necessarily want to, but I might as well if I'm here."

"Yep, that's totally the only reason."

Hikaru's smirk is uncanny. I sigh and sit up. He opens my car door and pulls me out. I almost land on my face.

"Oops, sorry."

He giggles, signaling that it was, in fact, on purpose.

"You'd better be. Who knows what Kyoya'd do if I looked different and we couldn't do our act at the club anymore."

Hikaru rolls his eyes and grabs my hand.

"You know I could take Kyoya in a fight."

"I doubt that considering Haruhi could easily get you in a headlock that one time."

"That didn't count! I let her win!"

"Yeah right."

It's my turn to giggle. Hikaru pinches my hand and I shut up. We walk towards the barn. The sky is bluish-grey with only a few clouds in the sky. To my surprise, the air doesn't smell like manure. In fact, it smells like flowers. It's quite nice. We step into the barn to see a very familiar French blonde.

"Hiya, guys!"

His stupid smile is just as bright as usual.

"Hey boss. Are we here for a commoner's activity or something?"

I try to lack sarcasm in my voice, but I don't think it worked. Luckily Tono's too dense to notice.

"No. As fun as that sounds, Hikaru asked me to come out here."

Looks like Tamaki and I have the same amount of information. Why does that make me feel discouraged? Tamaki continues.

"I didn't know you'd bring Kaoru."

I raise my eyebrow. The idiot's eyes widen.

"It's a good thing though!"

Poor Tono. He always ends up insulting someone no matter how hard he tries not to. I'm used to it by now, but I'm surprised he's the most requested at the host club. He's had the most customers who've run out screaming something derogatory about him.

"I know."

I say, smirking. It's almost awkward in here. I can tell Hikaru's trying to say something. Why he's not saying whatever it is… that's my question. He's not the type to hold back what he says.

"Kaoru… could you go back to the car for a moment?"

What? There's no way I'm going to sit in the car after being taken here by force. I'm about to voice my thoughts, when I see Hikaru. He's shaking, his eyes are unreadable.

"Hikaru, are you ok?"

"Yeah, are you ok?"

Even Tamaki notices. His voice doesn't necessarily show concern though.

"Yes, I'm fine. Kaoru, please just go…"

I don't know what to think. I feel annoyed and almost hurt. What could I have to do with his sudden change in demeanor? I guess if I'm in the way, I'm in the way. I know I shouldn't take it personally, but there's too much crap happening for me to think straight. Why don't I just ask why? Asking would be a waste of time. I know Hikaru. I nod and push the door open and close it behind me. Before I'm halfway to the car, I hear a scream of agony. I turn around, shocked, only to see Hikaru running out.

I dive into the car, slam the door shut and frantically look to my right.

"Hurry up!"

He jumps into the driver's seat, jams the key into the ignition and floors it. Not seconds after we're moving, I give that idiot a piece of my mind.

"What the heck did you do?!"

"Shut up, I'm trying to drive."

"Pull over _right now_!"

"But Kao, we're in the middle of a highway. That doesn't seem very logical."

The evil grin on his face is a bad sign. I glance out the window, seeing nothing but crops quickly passing by.

"We're in the middle of freaking nowhere!"

Hikaru tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

"Kaoru?"

"What?!"

I yell angrily. He's getting on my last nerve.

"Could you hand me my sunglasses?"

That's it. I grab his arm and yank it with all of my strength.

"What the heck, Kaoru?!"

The car swerves, and he's forced to pull over. Once we've stopped, he turns his head towards me, obviously not happy.

"Hikaru, I've been quiet for too long. Tell me what's going on."

I couldn't be more surprised when his mouth formed into an almost creepy smile; he looked me dead in the eye and said.

"He was useless."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! They keep me inspired. Ha-ha.**

"Yes, right here will be fine."

I say to my driver. Knowing Tamaki, there's no telling how long I'll be here. I let him leave. Why he wants to meet in a barn of all places, I'll probably never know. Who even owns this place? I make my way up the gravel path. I cough a few times and adjust my glasses. If there's one thing I have in common with the blonde buffoon, it's the fact that we both have no idea how commoners deal with these things. Now that I think about it, why would you have a gravel road? Rocks get into your shoes and dust flies into your face. They're altogether bothersome. Even commoners should have more sense than this. I blink a few times and realize I'm thinking exactly like Tamaki. Well, a bit harsher, but still. I look up and stumble backwards. I almost ran straight into the barn door. I sigh. It wouldn't have really mattered if I had. There's no one to impress. How ironic. Despite the gravel road and farm setting, the metal door was so clean I could see my reflection, shadowy hair and almost lifeless grey eyes. I once again push up my glasses and push the door open. My face goes white.

"T-Tamaki?"

I try to call out to him, but it comes out as a strained whisper. He's lying on the ground, motionless. The aroma of flowers is replaced by a smell that's very familiar to my family in the medical field, blood. I'm shaking. I, the Shadow King, am shaking.

"No…"

My wall has finally shattered. I frantically run over, afraid.

"K-Kyoya…?"

His usually happy voice sounds shaky, unsure and broken. But thank goodness he answered. I lean a bit closer and have to keep myself from grimacing. The entire area around him reeks of blood, yet there's not a drop to be seen.

"Tamaki, what happened?"

My doctoral instincts kick in. Tamaki struggles to sit up, but I gently push him back down.

"Don't strain yourself. Now what happened?"

"H-Hikaru… he…"

He coughs violently, a small amount of blood drips from his lips. Hikaru? He's probably one of the last people I'd suspect.

"Ok, I'll call an ambulance. Since it's my hospital's, you'll be the top priority. Just stay calm. Panicking with increase your-"

"Don't."

Somehow, someway, even with the scorching pain he must be feeling, Tamaki gives a beautiful smile. He told me not to call anyone. Why? He doesn't want to cause trouble? This guy… I can't take it anymore.

"Dang it, Tamaki! How the heck are you this way?"

The boy looks genuinely confused. Who can blame him though? He'd just gotten injured. And what the heck is wrong with me? Why am I losing my cool now? Why at a time like this? I've kept it in for so long, why can't I hold it for just a little while longer? The fool starts laughing. Any previous plans to take back what I had just said are now discarded.

"You idiot! Don't you realize you're dying?"

Tamaki's dying. Tamaki's dying? Tamaki's dying! It dawns on me. No, scratch that, it slaps me in the face. He stays silent.

"Look, I don't care what you say. I'm calling an ambulance."

I quickly call, hastily telling the operator our location and situation. I glance back down at Tamaki. He looks like he's staring off into space. That's not good.

"Tamaki, stay with me."

I give him a gentle shake, awaking him from his daze.

"Mon ami…?"

His voice is even softer than it was earlier.

"Why are you so scared?"

I freeze. He can tell.

"Look, Kyoya… I kind of brought this upon myself."

At first his statement seemed ludicrous. Tamaki wouldn't hurt a fly. The more I think it over, however, it begins to make more sense. Tamaki is too dense to notice when he hurts someone at times. But what could he have done that drove Hikaru to do this? Speaking of which… what did Hikaru do? The smell of blood is as strong as ever yet the only blood to be found is the extremely small amount Tamaki coughed up.

"What did you-"

More coughing. I check my phone. When are the doctors going to get here? I surf through my text messages trying to find an answer, when my forearm is grasped.

"K-Kyoya… you never answered my question."

Question? Who has time for questions at a time like this? That's when I notice his big, amethyst eyes gazing at me, fading.

"What question?"

"Why are you so scared?"

"Well, you're kind of my friend, and you're kind of dying."

"No, not just now."

I read a message from my brother saying they're about five miles from us. I stare at the boy in front of me, dumbfounded.

"All hope is never lost."

"But what if you are my hope…"

"Just be happy, Kyoya. There's no way to save me."

Tears sting my eyes. I can't cry though. I won't let myself cry. Tamaki's eyes fade to black and his body goes limp. That's not normal. I hold him close to me and I can almost feel breath inside the already cold lungs. He doesn't… seem dead. The medical personal floods into the barn and takes my hope away.

(insert page break here)

"W-what?"

"You heard me."

I'm too shaken to object when Hikaru restarts the car and continues to drive.

"But Hikaru! He's our-"

"Friend? Since when is he our friend?"

"If this is about Haruhi, I swear you're the most immature person in all of Japan."

"No way! You really think I'd go through all of this for that tanuki?"

For some reason, after he says that, I'm offended.

"I know for certain Haruhi's our friend. What the heck's gotten into you?"

Without a sound I'm wondering what had caused that horrid scream. It keeps replaying over and over in my head. I grip the car seat's armrest. I feel lightheaded and ill. In spite of everything I lay my head on Hikaru's shoulder. He looks down at me.

"You've been awfully tired lately."

"Don't you go and try to change the subject."

_Just drop it. Don't you trust Hikaru?_

Of course I do…

"All he does is make our lives harder. It doesn't matter if he or Haruhi can tell us apart. Is that really all friendship means?"

He has a point. Up until we joined the host club it seems that is all friendship was to us.

"But when we joined the club that changed. Tamaki's the one who made us join."

"Did it ever really change?"

Silence.

"I don't know."

I sigh, defeated. I wrap my arm around my brother's.

"Besides, all we need is each other, right?"

I hold his arm tighter. He doesn't even realize that he's alone. If he's alone, I'm alone. I must never let go of my twin, my reflection, me. Although not letting go doesn't mean I can't know what happened and why.

"Hikaru, just tell me what happened."

"I gave that bastard what he deserved."

"What did he do that was so bad?"

"You don't want to know."

"I do."

We pull into our driveway, allowing Hikaru to avoid the rest of the conversation.

"You want lunch, Kao?"

"Sure."

Maybe I should listen to myself, just this once. I follow Hikaru into the kitchen, knowing that if I'm not there he'll set something on fire; whether he's cooking or not. I don't understand why I'm not more upset about this. Tamaki is possibly seriously injured or… dead. I can't really see Hikaru killing someone though. Perhaps that's only because whenever I try to imagine it, I envision myself doing it. The maids bring us lunch. We park ourselves at the grand dining hall and eat with just a hint of tension in the air. However that tension soon fades. I can't seem to decide if this is acceptance or feigning ignorance.

"Kaoru, will you pass the salt?"

"Yeah."

I hand over the salt shaker and notice my hand slightly trembling. Is it still affecting me physically? Hikaru shakes some of the salt on his food and continues eating. I notice he's somewhat slouched. Not that he's always properly sitting up straight, but he's drooping more than usual. After our meal, I approach him as if nothing happened.

"Hika, you want to play some video games?"

"What game?"

I shrug.

"I guess whatever looks entertaining."

We decide on your typical shooting game. As we play, I snuggle into Hikaru, to which he complies.

"Kaoru?"

"Yeah?"

"You know how much I love you, right?"

"Is that even a question?"

"Yes, I believe it was."

"Well then of course I do."

We laugh and continue to blast pixilated peoples' heads off. Despite the casual atmosphere, this nightmare is far from over.


	4. Chapter 4

Now to describe the host club today in words. Chaotic, awkward and terrifying. Why, I'm not quite sure. It seems like a puzzle with a single piece missing. I can tell what the picture is, but it feels a bit off. It's giving off a feeling of slowly slipping into consciousness but never getting there. Everything around me seems like a blur. Maybe yesterday's headache hasn't left yet. I look up to Hikaru who's just staring off into space. Despite the words earlier, today's just lazy. Everyone just seems tired. Honey-senpai has already fallen asleep, Mori-senpai doesn't look too far behind. Haruhi's movements are groggy and she keeps yawning. Even Kyoya-senpai looks drowsy. I suddenly feel weight on my shoulder. Hikaru now looks like Honey-senpai. The same thing happens to my other shoulder. I'm not too surprised to see Haruhi slumbering. I carefully stand as not to wake them. Mori-senpai's been defeated by sleepiness.

"Kyoya-senpai, how are we-"

"The club's cancelled."

He says, followed by a yawn. I look back at Hikaru and Haruhi. I stifle a giggle when I see the position they've ended up in. Haruhi's head is on top of Hikaru's. They're both out cold. I glance towards the door. I shouldn't leave without Hikaru. I sit next to Kyoya.

"Why's everyone so tired?"

The Shadow King simply shrugs, and then pulls out his black book.

"What're you always writing in there, senpai?"

His icy eyes meet mine.

"That's none of your concern."

I sigh and lean back.

"I was just asking. No need to glare like that."

It's a bit awkward, so I continue to try to start a conversation.

"So why'd you cancel the club? It's not like you to cancel it for non-emergency reasons."

"We'd give ourselves a bad reputation. Nobody's going to be a good host while they're drained."

"It's probably not the best to randomly cancel though. The guests might think it's unprofessional."

"Oh, please. We'll just give them a sob story tomorrow about a tragic occurrence and all will be fine."

"_I_ guess so. Something feels a little off today."

"I don't know about that."

"It's just seemed kind of boring."

"That's most likely because everyone's sleeping."

I hear a small crack and notice that Kyoya's pencil broke.

"Let me get it."

It takes one look at Kyoya's face to know that he blames me for breaking his pencil. Why, I don't know. I don't necessarily want to be on bad terms with him. I take the pencil and make my way to the hallway. I don't see why we don't have a pencil sharpener in the music room. Wouldn't you use pencils to write music or whatever? And since when does Kyoya use a wooden pencil? I thought he used mechanical. I walk into the nearest classroom and sharpen the pencil. I groan. Why have I been so submissive lately? I'm about to open the door when I hear a thud behind me. I turn around to see that the pencil sharpener fell off of its desk. How'd that happen? The universe seems to be against me these days. I replace the sharpener and once again try to leave. The door's locked.

"You can't be serious…"

I grumble to myself. I reach into my pocket to grab my phone, but realize I left it in the music room. Oh great. I feel someone breathing on my neck. I turn around and scarcely block Aki's attack.

"Dang it!"

She yells out, frustrated. I roll my eyes.

"You do realize how predictable that was, right?"

"So you're speaking now?"

"I guess."

"What happened to being scared?"

"I'm terrified."

I step back when she once again lunges towards me. She manages to nick my ribcage. I flinch.

"Where's Keith?"

"Places."

I dodge hit after hit, getting mildly injured in the process. How long is she going to do this? I'm assuming she's the one who locked the door. She can't just keep me locked in here. At least not forever.

_Fight back._

No. I once again decide to give up. What's the point in trying? Aki steps closer. I close my eyes and brace myself. I hear an earsplitting snap followed by a horrific shriek. It's not mine. I open my eyes and see nothing but red. I blink over and over as my vision returns little by little.

"Bastard!"

I hear Aki scream out between sobs. What happened?

"Such language and behavior is not tolerated here."

Kyoya?

"I thought you were with us!"

"Not when you're behaving this way."

I hear another yell.

"You know why I'm here better than anybody else!"

"That I do, but you have the wrong person. I'm very disappointed."

When I can finally see, Aki's hand looks deformed and covered in blood. My eyes widen and I retch. Aki's eyes are filled with tears. Is this what you wanted?

"Kyoya-senpai! What the heck did you do?"

"Are you alright, Kaoru?"

"Don't 'are you alright' me! What is this? Why would you-"

"I don't see why you're so upset. You saw what she was doing and experienced it firsthand."

"You freaking crushed her hand!"

There's silence for a few moments. Oh, how I hate silence at times.

"You're right."

Aki quietly lets out. I reach out to her but feel something tugging on my… my soul? I don't really know any other way to describe it. It's a tugging on my very being.

_I'm bleeding. It hurts._

"I guess Hikaru wasn't kidding."

I feel arms around me and I faint. Does he really have that much control over me?

_(Insert page break here)_

I yawn and slowly open my eyes.

"Good morning, Kao. Are you feeling better?"

I turn to my twin and nod. I wrap the blanket on our bed around me.

"Why's it so cold in here?"

"Sorry."

Hikaru gets up and closes the window.

"Hika, will you hand me my notebook?"

"Sure."

He grabs my notebook off of the dresser on the other side of the room, hands it over, and sits next to me. I flip open the cover and read.

_XX/XX/XXXX_

_ Nobody's forcing me to live anymore. I need someone to hold onto-_

Hikaru snatches the book away just as my eyebrows were rising in confusion.

"This isn't-

'

"I know."

I lie down and yawn.

"Lazy Kaoru. You just woke up."

"So what? I'm recovering."

"According to who?"

"You."

"Meanie. Taking advantage of my worry."

"Fine. You win, I'll get up."

I woozily stand and stumble into the bathroom. If you've ever tried to do something that requires coordination right after you wake up, you'll understand. My hair looks silly and poofy. I run a brush through it. Crimson everywhere. Startled, I bump into the wall. Am I losing it? I splash water on my face and brush my teeth. Even throwing my clothes on feels like a chore. I'm really concerned when I almost trip over my own feet. Hikaru steadies me and looks at me.

"Sheesh, I said get ready not run a marathon."

"Yeah, because walking across our room is a marathon."

"It probably is for commoners."

"It's probably easy for them. They walk everywhere. They're in shape."

"More fat jokes, eh, dumbo?"

He helps me down the stairs and sits me down. He feeds me my breakfast. I don't really mind considering picking up a fork sounds tiring.

"Hika?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened?"

"It's better if you don't know."

_Leave it there. Trust him._

I'm hesitant, but ok.


	5. Chapter 5

You know what I just realized? The host club is dark. That's exactly why everything happened the way it did. When darkness overtakes us, it kills the weak and ruins the strong. Quite frankly, I never want that to happen again. I have no other purpose, so I've decided to be the club's light. How I'll accomplish this, I have no idea. I'm tempted to ask Kyoya, but I feel as if I'd just be ridiculed. The best person to ask, I suppose, is Haruhi. Why? Again, I'm not sure. I can't really be sure of anything as of late. It's kind of like I've been sleepwalking for as long as I can remember. I take my usual seat next to Haruhi.

"Where's Hikaru?"

She asks casually. I peek behind me just to be sure he's not at the door. Just like I can't be.

"I'm not sure. He's probably just running a little late."

After about ten minutes of conversing, it's brought to my attention that "a little" was an understatement. Hikaru runs into class just as the bell rings.

"You took long enough."

I tease.

"You should be more careful. You'll get in trouble if you're late."

Haruhi will be Haruhi. Hikaru's face goes faintly pink for just a moment, and then he rolls his eyes and sits.

"Algebra awaits."

Hikaru groans sarcastically with a wimpy fist pump to accompany it. Haruhi hands me my book.

"Thanks."

The teacher stands in front of the room and starts babbling numbers I'll probably forget five minutes after class ends.

_(Insert page break here)_

"So why were you so late to class? It doesn't take normal people ten minutes to use the bathroom."

"I'm an alien."

"You're an idiot."

Haruhi rolls her eyes at our childishness.

"I was just checking out the new kid."

"Since when do you care about new students?"

"Apparently this guy doesn't talk, and it's not because he can't. I thought I could try to squeeze a few words out of him."

I'm not sure how I feel about that.

"That's rude, Hikaru! If he's not talking, he probably has a reason."

I'm about to ask what he means.

_Keep your mouth shut._

He's been mad at me lately. We finally arrive at the cafeteria. I plop myself down by Haruhi and watch my brother skip off to get both of our lunches. He still thinks I'm helpless.

"Wow. He really doesn't think you can get your own lunch?"

"Just wait. It gets worse."

Once he returns, Hikaru gently holds my chin and feeds me, much to the fangirls' delight. Haruhi just looks at us weird. Now that a small crowd has formed, we decide to play it up.

"Hikaru, I can feed myself."

I mumble quietly, blushing.

"But Kaoru, you know how much I worry about you."

Hikaru's mischievous face morphs into one of deep concern. I give a slight pout and turn away.

"But it's embarrassing."

"You've been so tired lately, Kaoru. You never sleep soundly. I can feel you next to me, trembling in your sleep."

The girls erupt into a fit of squeals. Is he telling the truth?

"Hikaru! Why would you say that?"

Fake tears glaze over my eyes. Hikaru pulls me close.

"I'm sorry… I just… worry so much…"

I lay my head onto my brother's chest.

"I forgive you."

Once more, the girls explode into screams. Hikaru continues to feed me and the crowd dies down.

"I still don't understand your whole 'brotherly love' nonsense."

Haruhi bluntly states, finishing the last bite of her boxed lunch.

"We're not explaining it again."

I say in unison with my brother as we stand and return to class.

_(Insert page break here)_

I walk through the hallways at a comfortable pace. I decided to help Kyoya with club planning today. It was Haruhi's suggestion, actually. I'd told her about how I wanted to make the club better. Assisting Kyoya could have more benefits that just improving the club. Perhaps if he didn't have to do all the work all the time, he'd be… how should I put it… happier. Not that I see him as unhappy, but we could all be happier. I'm a little nervous. Kyoya's an expert at this kind of thing, and I have no experience whatsoever. What if I just make things worse? All second thoughts are thrown out the window when I push the door to music room 3 open. Kyoya's just sitting there, typing on his laptop.

"Hey, senpai."

He looks up from what I assume is his work.

"Hello, Kaoru. Did you forget something?"

"No, I actually wanted to see if you needed any help."

I smile bashfully. I can't tell what he's thinking. He's so poker faced.

"Well, I'm not one to reject free help."

I awkwardly make my way towards where he's sitting. Those second thoughts are beginning to fly back inside.

"So, what can I help with?"

"Well you can start by getting commoner's coffee from the supermarket. Haruhi's already left and we'll lose profit if she has to get it while we have customers tomorrow."

A sweat drop hovers above my head. His soul must truly be made of ice. He's not holding back one bit. I'm about to ask why he can't just call her, but it's not him who stops me this time. It's Kyoya's glasses glaring in the little sunlight creeping through the windows.

"Alright."

I walk outside and head to the supermarket. Have I just been knocked down to errand boy? I sigh. I presume I'll have to climb up the ranks if I intend to do actual work.

_(Insert page break here)_

Man, who knew a grocery bag full of commoner's coffee could be so heavy? I'm beginning to understand how Haruhi was able to get Hikaru into a headlock. I really should work out or something. My arms are practically noodles. Although it'd be surprising if I was strong considering servants always carry everything for me. When I finally make it back to Ouran, I lean against a wall and stretch out my arms. That's when I hear it. Piano music wafting from somewhere in the building. Now I've heard as much music as the next guy, but something about this song in particular was compelling. It pulls me into its abstraction. I pick up the coffee and let the melody guide me. Before long, I find myself in front of music room 2. I press my ear against the door and hear someone singing in… French? I push the door open as noiselessly as I can. There's a tall boy with blonde hair playing the piano and singing. It sounds absolutely phenomenal. I can't help but stand here and listen. I don't recognize this guy. Could he be the new student Hikaru was talking about? He's obviously a foreigner of sorts, and they usually stick out like a sore thumb. I mean he is singing in French. As his fingers leave the ivory keys I applaud. He jumps, startled. He looks at me with almost lifeless grey eyes that are almost immediately filled with fear.

"That song was beautiful."

I try to break the silence. For some reason he still looks anxious.

"I-I didn't mean to intrude or anything. Sorry if I scared you."

Hikaru was right. This kid doesn't talk. He seems to be looking for a way to escape.

"Uh… sorry. I guess I'll go now."

I exit the room, unsure of what just happened. I look at a nearby clock. I should be getting back before Kyoya gets impatient. As I walk away, I hear the door to music room 2 open. I take a quick look and see Keith leaving the room. Thank goodness he doesn't notice me. He seems to be in a hurry. I'm tempted to check on the new kid.

_Don't. That's a really bad idea._

There's no use in arguing. I go back to music room 3 and hand Kyoya the coffee.

"Thank you Kaoru. I really appreciate it."

Hold on. What did Kyoya just say to me? I blink a few times. He thanked me? He appreciates it?

"Y-you're welcome. I should probably get going. Hikaru probably needs help with his homework."

I turn around and leave quickly. I want to get out before anything else weird can happen.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for all the black butler references in this chapter.**

"What?"

"I saw him."

"What was he doing?"

"Playing the piano."

"Did he say anything?"

"He was singing in French if that counts."

"Why were you listening to him play in the first place?

Hikaru doesn't look angry. Just somewhat… disturbed.

"I don't know."

"Just… never mind. How'd helping Kyoya-senpai go?

"I was kind of his errand boy."

"Really? He has some nerve to tell you to fetch his stuff like some dog when you offer to help him."

Why has he been so negative about everyone lately?

"Well I did help him by doing it."

"I feel bad for Haruhi now."

"I guess I have to prove I'm worthy of being his apprentice."

"Apprentice? Give me a break. He's taking advantage of your kindness. What a stuck-up jerk."

"You're one to talk, Hikaru. Besides, he thanked me."

"Kyoya-senpai thanked you? Now I know you're pulling my leg."

"Nope, it's true. He's not a monster."

"Depends on how you define 'monster'."

"His soul may be ice, but at least he has one."

"You sure?"

I smile.

"Yes."

_(Insert page break here)_

These gashes on my arms, I'll never know or never tell. Fingers trail through my hair.

"You need to sleep, Kaoru."

"Can't."

Why I'm here of all places, he won't tell me. I look up into Kyoya's mesmerizing jade eyes.

"Why am I here, senpai?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing?"

I sit up and stretch. The fingers leave my locks.

"When did I fall asleep?"

"While I was calculating the cost of each idea. I must say the black butler suggestion was a good one."

"Thanks."

I smile sleepily. It feels nice to know I'm being useful.

"Although I'm not sure who should be who."

"We should think about what the fangirls like."

"The most popular pairing by far is Sebastian and Ciel. What if Hikaru were to be Sebastian and you be Ciel?"

"That'll satisfy enough people. Honey-senpai could be Alois and Mori-senpai could be Claude."

"Their personalities don't fit well, but I guess there'd still be a similar effect."

"You'd make a good Will, senpai."

"I agree, but statistic-wise Grell is a more popular character."

I slightly frown.

"But you're nothing like Grell, senpai. I don't think you'd be able to pull it off."

"It doesn't sound appealing to me either, but the numbers are the numbers."

"If only we had someone to be Grell…"

Is it ache I see in his stunning emerald orbs?

"Yes, but unfortunately that is not so. I'll order the cosplays and they should be here by tomorrow."

"Tommorw? Your business skills never seize to amaze me."

"Practice makes perfect. You should probably be getting home soon. It's getting dark."

"When're you going home?"

"After I finish my work."

"That's kind of unfair. I said I'd help you, didn't I?"

"You have."

I sigh.

"I'm staying here until you're done."

"I can't stop you, but it's a waste of time."

Kyoya was right. It was a waste of time, but I kept my promise. Simple conversation would take place. But hey, I must be better than loneliness. After around another hour, Kyoya closed his laptop and stood up.

"I guess you can leave now, Kaoru."

I stand.

_Me. Look at me like I'm special. Grip onto me for dear life so I know what you want. So I know what I want._

I pull my senpai into a gauche hug. It lasts only for a few moments. I leave, and I swear Kyoya looks stunned.

_(Insert page break here)_

"Sebastian, go get me a piece of cake."

"Yes, my lord."

Hikaru gives a gentlemanly bow and strides to the other side of the room. He's about to take one of Honey's cakes, when Mori glares at him.

"Oh my goodness! Sebastian's going to fight Claude!"

"Sebastian's so loyal! He'd start a demon fight to the death just to follow his master's one command!"

Fangirls don't keep their thoughts to themselves. The act is going pretty well. I lean back in my seat and answer the girls' questions as they come. Hikaru and Mori make it seem like they're going to engage in battle, when Will steps in. The entire host club agreed that Kyoya would not be able to pull Grell off. I imagine it.

"_Hello, you handsome hunky butlers! How brutal it is that you're about to cause such bloodshed! May I be your coach?"_

_Kyoya winks at Hikaru and Mori._

I giggle in my seat. The thought's just too much.

"You demon scum better not start fighting here. We're initiating certain soul management precautions."

Kyoya slips Hikaru a piece of cake, almost vainly. Mori shrugs and continues to watch Honey greedily stuff his face. Hikaru turns and walks back to me with my desired cake.

"May I ask what you were giggling about, young master?"

I have a giggling fit once again.

"Oh, it was nothing."

"It's been a while since you've seemed so joyful."

I pick up the cake and begin to eat. I "accidentally" get cake on my face. I look at Hikaru.

"Sebastian, I-"

"Allow me, master."

Hikaru licks the cake off of my face in a devilish manner. The fangirls freak out and I'm pretty sure one of them passed out.

"Sebastian, was that really necessary?"

I ask, a slight blush on my face.

"If I couldn't do that much for my master, what kind of a butler would I be?"

I continue my Ciel-like reaction, viewing Honey and Mori from across the room. We'd tried to get Honey to act more like Alois, but it ended up a lot like what happened during Renge's movie shoot. He's still trying though.

"Claude-chan! Go get me more cake, and make sure Usa-chan doesn't get dirty!"

He barks in his best bossy voice. It still sounds incredibly cute. The girls don't seem to care though. They get to see Honey in an Alois outfit, so they're happy. Last but not least, we dressed Haruhi as Lizzie. She was less in character than Honey and Mori combined. She was acting exactly like she usually does, just in a poofy dress. I guess that's the natural type for you.

After a few more hours, the club ends. I pick up a few dishes when I find Haruhi asleep on the couch. She fell asleep in her cosplay, and I must admit she looks really cute. I'd better wake her up though. If Kyoya found out she was "sleeping on clean up duty", she'd never hear the end of it. I gently shake her awake.

"T-Tamaki?"

She mumbles as she wakes. I tilt my head in confusion.

"Who's Tamaki?"

Haruhi sits up and stretches.

"What?"

"You said 'Tamaki' when you woke up."

She shrugs.

"I don't know. Probably just my tiredness."

I nod and hand her the dishes I have.

"Here, just so Kyoya-senpai won't accuse you of slacking off."

She nods and makes her way to the kitchen.

"Kaoru, I'm done!"

I hear my brother yell.

"Bye everyone!"

We shout into the music room and leave. We run from it, despite our casual exit.

"Kyoya-senpai's going to kill us for ditching clean up duty."

"We didn't 'ditch' it. I picked up like five plates."

I roll my eyes.

"Let's stop by the changing room. I don't want to ride home in this outfit."

"Alright."

We change out of our costumes and continue down the empty halls. I hear a sound.

"What was that?"

"I didn't hear anything."

I didn't say anything about hearing.

"C'mon Hika."

I grab his hand and walk in the noise's direction. He pulls me back.

"Don't get involved."

"Involved? It could've just been someone dropping their stuff or something."

"Exactly!"

_Listen._

But I need to know.

_So did I._

I must ignore.

"Just a sec."

I again pull on him, and again I fail.

"I said no. Let's go home."

I release his hand.

"I need to see what it is."

"Why?"

"I just do."

I run off to find the origin of the sound. Something's pulling on me from two directions. I might just fall apart. I hear the sound again. It's louder, so I must be closer. I'm flying through the halls in a graceful sprint. Why, I'll never know. I turn the corner and see Keith grabbing a fist full of blonde hair.

**A/N: I've been wanting to ask a question. Sometimes, when I'm reading a fanfiction, a song just plays through my head. Is this happening to anyone with this fanfiction? Also, comments, reviews, constructive criticism, questions and suggestions are highly encouraged and appreciated! Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This chapter contains cutting/suicidal themes. Please read with caution.**

The new kid. Dang it I, knew I should've checked on him yesterday.

"Keith, what the heck are you doing?"

I shove him away. I lose control.

_I told you to stay away._

I grab the kid's forearm and push him behind me.

"I'm really sick of you bastards."

"You've changed."

"So what? Stay away from him!"

"Why?"

"Because you're being a jerk! It's ok when it's me, but not this!"

"Playing hero, eh?"

He launches a fist towards my face. The new kid's amber eyes widen with horror. Just when Keith was about to hit my face, I grab his forearm.

"I'm getting used to this. You do the same thing every time."

"You think I'm going to back off because you blocked one punch?"

"Of course not."

I turn back to the new kid, who looks as if he's seen a ghost.

"Leave."

"Th-thank you…"

Glass shatters. Did he just… He's gone. Ache is my only feeling as Keith grips my arm. I try to get him to release, but his grip only gets stronger.

"This is for Aki."

"A-Aki?"

A crack, a shot of pain, arms once again. No. Not this time. I need to defend this. It's a burning, passionate need that I can't restrain. I hurl a kick at him, but just manage to barely hit his ribcage. It must've been enough, because he falls to the ground. I stomp towards him, planning to give him a black eye and more scars than he could count.

_No more! Stop!_

I wouldn't have listened, but somebody made me.

"Kaoru, your arm!"

I'm pulled away, but it doesn't seem right anymore. I can't push him away though. I turn to the almost identical face.

"I told you not to get involved!"

"This means you knew this was happening!"

_He's still stronger than you!_

No he's not! He's weak… so weak… I was never safe to begin with.

"I didn't want you to get hurt!"

"He was afraid, Hikaru! What did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Don't lie to me! I'm not stupid!"

"I was just trying to-"

"I don't care what you were trying to do! Just leave me alone!"

"But Kaoru, your arm-"

"I can take care of myself!"

"That's exactly what I'm trying to-"

"There you go again with the 'trying'! What did you actually do?"

"Just shut up! We need to get you help!"

"I can get myself help! I'm not your responsibility!"

"You're all I have!"

_Everything will be gone. He's all you have._

Something's wrong. Something's just seriously wrong.

"No I'm not! J-just…"

Two people come running.

"Guys, what's going-"

Her hands slowly make their way over her mouth.

"We heard the commotion. Do I even need to ask what happened here?"

"Kyoya-senpai, call one of your doctors or something!"

"I already did."

"Oh my gosh, is that guy alright? What did you do, Hikaru?!"

Haruhi points to Keith who's still silent on the floor.

"Why do you assume it was me? It was Kaoru!"

"There's no way Kaoru would-"

"It was me."

"Why?!"

Haruhi's surprise is undeniable.

"He was beating up this other kid… and…"

"Why didn't you just get help?"

Haruhi looks down, obviously remembering the time at the beach.

"I… don't… it would've been…"

The doctors arrive and take me away. Kyoya's face doesn't look expressionless for once.

_(Insert page break here)_

I stare deep into the mirror. Cold, violet eyes. The only thing making me different from my twin. It's nice having something to differentiate us. Otherwise I think I'd go crazy. Blood runs down my arms, giving off the illusion that it came from my injury. That's not the case.

_You're safe here. You're happy here. Don't ever leave again._

I'm just locked in this small bathroom. Where else could I go? I don't want to be near Hikaru. It's not that I'm mad at him. I just don't want to hurt him. What am I doing? Wouldn't my pain just cause him pain? No. I'm not his responsibility, I'm not him. It might hurt at first, but in the end it would just make things better. Why has everything suddenly been so confusing? Why can I hardly remember anything? Why don't I feel anything anymore? I close my beautiful eyes. Why does Kyoya look at me that way? There are just too many questions, too many thoughts. I don't want this. I can't handle this.

_Go ahead. It really does help. Just stop thinking._

I run the blade across my already broken skin. Nothing but forgetting. Do I want to forget?

_Yes. Just forget. You'll be joyful again._

Could not knowing anything truly be better than knowing too much? My eyes slowly adjust to the darkness. I can see well. Longingly standing, I just stare at myself. I stare at my arms. What have I turned into? I'm broken. I'm wrecked. But at least my mind is a mind. At least my body is a body. But why?

_Again. Just stop thinking, imagining._

Lullabies fill my already full mind. I just want this to end. But just leaving… I couldn't do that. There's so much I just need to know. I don't care if I'm supposed to stop. I just need to understand. I feel as if I'm made of lead, my back slowly pressing against the cold walls. Caring, compassionate hands pull me into a dream. A dream of complete bliss. If only I didn't have to wake up.

_(Insert page break here)_

I'm a mess. I'm a trembling, crying mess. It's too much. I can't break free. Hikaru's unvoiced, my mind is soundless. My head is throbbing, everything's falling apart.

"Kaoru… what's wrong?"

Now he asks me. Not that I should mind anymore.

"What's wrong…? What's wrong? Nothing's wrong! Everything's just perfect!"

I try to smile. I try with all my strength, with all my will. It doesn't work. It looks awful.

"Look, I'm sorry."

Now he thinks it's his fault. Just how much have I messed up?

"It's not-"

"It is."

"If it was your fault, I'd know."

He wraps his arms around me. It doesn't feel right.

"See?"

"What?"

"You're tense."

I look down. The connection's just not there anymore.

"What happened?"

_Why would he know?_

He knows something. He knows everything. I clench my tired hands into fists, shivering once again.

"Kaoru… you're scaring me."

"I'm s-scaring you…?"

My mind won't stop spinning. Is this a price I'm willing to pay? Did I ever have a choice? Too much. Just too much.

"Yeah, you're shaking and-"

"I'm scaring you?! I'm sick of your crap, Hikaru! Do you even know what fear is?!"

Hikaru's "fear" turns to revulsion. His face is pale and I swear my words are going in one ear and coming out the other. I don't care though. I can't take it anymore.

"I don't know what's happening, Hikaru, and I know you do! Don't even try feigning ignorance anymore! I'm not stupid!"

I get louder and louder until I'm yelling at the top of my lungs. I've subconsciously grabbed Hikaru's shirt collar. Tears fill my throbbing eyes.

"What did you do, Hikaru?! Why would you do this?! What's wrong with me?! What's wrong with us?! What am I to you anymore?! Is this all just a sick game to you?! It hurts, dang it, it hurts…"

I hang my head and sob, still not fully aware of what I'm doing. I loosen my grip on my brother's shirt.

"Why…?"

I manage to squeak out. My tears fall more rapidly as I fall to my knees and hold my head. I don't hear anything out of Hikaru. Maybe he's still in shock. Maybe he hates me now. What have I done?

_Your pain isn't his problem. I tried to stop you._

Are you the one who started this entire mess? I don't even know anymore. My head instantaneously turns as five words escape my twin's lips.

"I thought this might happen."

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update… I honestly don't have any excuse other than writer's block. You see, I have my ideas but sometimes I don't know how to get them down. Anyway, reviews are appreciated and encouraged. Thanks for reading!**


End file.
